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one more go at this…

It seems to me hard to believe (and yet at the same time really not that hard at all) that I’ve been playing around at this blogging thing for more than a decade now. And over that time I’ve found myself in this same situation probably a dozen times or more. The “do I really want to do this anymore?” situation. But I gotta say it feels different this time. In the past, when I’ve contemplated walking away, there was always a piece of me that rebelled. A piece of me that just couldn’t let go. Even when I was 90% sure it was the right thing to do. But this time…I don’t know. I think that maybe I’d really and truly be okay with the decision to just give this up. I’m going to give it a few weeks…try writing here again…try writing in the way I would feel more comfortable writing if I do decide to stick it out. And see what happens. If I still feel this way in a few weeks, I think I can say goodbye to my blogging days with a true feeling of peace.

What do I mean by “the way I would feel more comfortable writing”? I’d be quite the happy, not-so-little, camper if I knew how to answer that one. It has to do with just being me. I do not lead an exciting life. I have no special talents. I am an anxiety-ridden mess who much of the time is afraid to speak even to the people I love most. None of these things make me unworthy as a human being. But each of those things does give me pause when it comes to taking up space on the internet. I have always blogged for myself. And while I’ve made the best friends through blogging and obviously wouldn’t change that for the world, to this day I sometimes find the idea that other people can read what I write a little unsettling.

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But I love life. And I get excited about so many things. Too many things. I have no one thing to write about. I’ll never be a book blogger, or a mommy blogger, or a homeschool blogger, or a garden blogger, or a crafty blogger…. I like to record my life, as unexciting as it may be to the outside world. But I could record it in my pen and paper journals or I could record it here changing the setting to private–and I really think I could be happy with either of those options. But first, I’m going to give this one last shot. Maybe in an effort to tease out whether I could really walk away without having any regrets.

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Author:

just a middle-aged lady who gets giddy about lots of things

5 thoughts on “one more go at this…

  1. I would be sad to see you leave blogging, but I totally understand! I just blog once a week and that is mostly to still be around and talk to blogging friends. Do what you feel is right for you. 🙂

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    1. Thanks Kelly! I actually think your approach is a good one. I do think it makes a lot easier in my mind to contemplate walking away knowing that whether I’m blogging or not, I can still read everyone else’s blogs and Instagram and email and whatnot. I think I’ve finally gotten it through my head that giving up my blog doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you and Heather and Chris and Ana and all our other wonderful friends.

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  2. Selfishly, I’m glad you’re not giving up blogging just yet. I love reading your thoughts on everything you write about. At the same time, it’s understandable that blogging doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel the same for me too. Either way, we’re going to stay in touch. 😀

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    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thanks for the sweet words, Natasha! And absolutely, no matter what, we will stay in touch! One of my biggest regrets in blogging is that I didn’t get to know you sooner! Especially since we always knew so many of the same people. Anyway, I could no longer imagine my life without you in it. 🙂

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